Why Do I Always Attract Toxic Relationships?

It’s one of those questions that sits heavy in the chest.
Why does it keep happening?
Why do I end up in situations where I feel unseen, drained, anxious, or on edge?

If this has been your pattern, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or doomed to repeat the past.
But it does mean something deeper is trying to get your attention.

We don’t attract toxic relationships because we want pain.
We attract them because, at some level, they feel familiar.

Familiar doesn’t always mean healthy.
It means your nervous system recognises the pattern—even if it’s one that hurts.

When Familiarity Feels Like Love

So ask yourself gently:

• What did love look and feel like when I was growing up?
• Did I have to earn it, fix it, chase it, or prove myself worthy of it?
• Was love safe, or was it conditional, inconsistent, or absent?

When we grow up around love that feels unsafe, we internalise the idea that love is anxiety.
That being in relationship means self-abandonment, walking on eggshells, people-pleasing, or tolerating poor behaviour in the name of connection.

These early experiences shape your subconscious beliefs.
They become your internal compass—even if they’re pointing you in a direction that no longer serves you.

You may think you’re choosing partners from your conscious mind, but often it’s the unhealed parts of you making the decisions:

• The part of you that learned to ignore red flags because speaking up felt dangerous
• The part that believes being chosen is more important than being cherished
• The part that fears calm, stable love because it feels foreign or undeserved

It’s not about blaming your past—but it is about understanding it.

Because when you see the pattern clearly, you can finally interrupt it.

Coming Home to Yourself

You begin healing by learning a new way to relate—to yourself, first.

Start by asking:

• What boundaries have I been afraid to set?
• Where have I tolerated behaviours that go against my values or needs?
• What would love look like if it didn’t come with a price?

Healing isn’t just about thinking differently.
It’s about feeling safe enough to choose differently.

That’s where holistic trauma healing becomes so powerful.
Because these patterns live in the body.
They live in the nervous system.
They live in the wounded inner child who just wanted to feel safe and loved.

Through nervous system regulation, inner child healing, somatic work, energy clearing, and subconscious rewiring, we start to feel differently.
And when we feel differently, we choose differently.

The love you truly desire—the one that feels steady, respectful, emotionally safe—is not out of reach.
But sometimes we have to clear out the noise and wounds of the past to recognise what we truly deserve.

You don’t have to settle for relationships that drain you.
You don’t have to keep proving your worth in hopes of being loved.
You get to choose love that feels like peace, not chaos.

The moment you begin asking these deeper questions is the moment something begins to shift.
Your awareness is already the beginning of change.

Let this be your turning point.
The patterns might be old, but you are not powerless.
And this time, you don’t have to abandon yourself for connection.

Real love begins when you come back home to you.
Source: enlight10path.com.aut